Sex like any other addictive choice is something we must not confuse with our happiness.
It is a fact if we have unprotected sex with random strangers, we are putting ourselves at risk of contracting a disease and potentially a disease that could kill us, yet we are living in a highly sexualised society, right now. STDs are on the increase not just amongst the young generation but there is a growing number of middle aged, divorced women back on the dating scene, naïve and out of practice. The internet has opened up a hidden world of pornography where women are portrayed as sex toys for men to take any pleasurable or sadistic desire from, as and when they please. Many young boys are getting their sex education from watching porn on the web then playing out what they see with the girls they fancy. The girls they target then have to live up to unrealistic expectations, like bigger boobs, blow jobs and Brazilian waxing, in order to keep the boy interested long enough to call him a boyfriend.
Sex like any other addiction is something you have to not confuse with your happiness. Sex is about primal pleasure because it makes you feel good in the moment when you let go of any inhibitions and are free to jump in head first. Of course there are many who find monogamous mates and sex becomes less primal and more about when you can fit it in. Sustainable sex levels are difficult to maintain when lifestyle kicks in and the kids come along. Many people confuse sex with love, lust with like and pain with pleasure, so defining the need to have sex is complex as there are no rules, unless you believe in a religion.
Common sense tells us to use our instincts to determine if we are in danger of making a fatal mistake but when it comes to sex, common sense can be erased by the lust you feel when you kiss the mouth of a potential mate. It’s like a wave of haze sweeping you out to a land where the fairies live and everything hangs on you getting a text or call, leaving you permanently preoccupied, looking outward for approval. Sex before you have got to know someone well is not healthy for your mind, body or soul. It’s like eating four cream cakes before you remember you are on a diet.
Women ultimately have sex to find a life mate, build a nest for a family and will convince themselves they can pull it off, if only they get the man pinned down. Men on the other hand are wired differently and instinctively like to spread their sperm, sharing only primal lust and often lies to get you in to bed. Sex is a hard subject matter for a life coach because every situation is different and most people have endless baggage, guilt and huge regret, often lying to themselves, so the only place to go is the truth.
As humans we are part of nature and nature works by itself when left to its own devices. Marriage was invented back in the dark ages as a way for men to sell their daughters on as an asset, a virgin bride. Then the church stepped in and wrapped this man made law into the fairy tale. An above board reason to have sex with one partner, for life, in the eyes of God. An out of date tradition that in today’s culture leaves women desperate to find their own prince to marry and given away by their father instead of sold.
So if sex is about mating, nesting and marriage, common sense tells us we should make sure we pick the right one. Forever can be a long time if you are miserable, so it’s important to remember as we age, we change and what we think at 20, unless we are centred, will not be the same when we reach 40.
Venus Cow says, "Don’t pick one, attract one."
We cannot change anyone, make them do what we want them to do or lull them in with the offer of sex. We can only be happy with someone else if we have learned to be happy alone. Sex for sex sake with another consenting human being in the moment for instant selfish pleasure, is natural but very dangerous, with risks both physically and mentally, so beware. Sex like with any other pleasure driven sense, naturally produces powerful chemicals in our brain which trigger off insatiable desires to devour anything in our reach, the instant fix, the love drug, the cream cake.
For those single, Celibacy is not about being a nun or a prude anymore it’s about taking time out, mastering discipline and allows you to stand on your own two feet with confidence, pride and a valuable commodity when it comes to attracting a mate in nature. For those who have bought into the tradition of marriage and sex with one lifelong partner, it’s about making a choice, embrace it or erase it because you will never be happy stuck somewhere in the middle.
We use our sexual powers to attract a mate when chemistry is allowed to happen naturally because when we are centred, happy and in control, not desperate, drunk or delusional, we radiate and shine and the magic happens. We attract ourselves in reality, so if you are out searching whilst desperate, drunk and delusional, expecting to find a deep meaningful relationship, you may want to rethink your strategy. The temptation to fall in to the trap of making a life-long commitment to another human being, especially a sexual one, when your motive is to not be lonely anymore, must be managed and monitored. We all know sex is fantastic in the beginning, anytime, anywhere, any place but as time goes by and we spend more time living in a partnership, he snores and you have a headache, the relationship has to be based on more than just the physical side to survive.
Photo by Ed Gregory/Stokpic; courtesy of FreeRange