Arguing

Fighting and falling out with other people puts you in a state of stress and this stress will interfere with your common sense ability to rationally reason with the situation in order to not look like an idiot. If you then add anger on top of this stress, it can make you more likely to start the blame game and this makes you look even more like an insufferable idiot.

A lack of mutual empathetic understanding is the cause of most fights and arguments because we if we do not feel empathy, we revert to self-protection and become judgemental, causing more bad feeling on both sides with no happy outcome. Conflict and arguments are often seen as a negative, always to be avoided because it feels like a sign the relationship is in trouble but I believe the arguing process can facilitate talking and create awareness of someone else’s perspective.

Conflict with another person especially in a romantic relationship should not always be seen as a crack in the partnership but instead as an opportunity to evolve and grow, learning more about yourself in the process. Obviously if your arguments are violent and end up with physical abuse then this is a different matter and should never be tolerated at any cost.

The truth is, once we get into an argument with another person we immediately stop listening and are not open to listening to the other person's side of the story. It is important to remember that listening is not acceptance but a way to understand another persons perspective, without letting emotions get in the way. This is not always easy but with a conscious understanding in the moment, when things flare up, you are able to control the anger and then wait until another time when you feel less stress to bring up the issues making you boil over inside.

It is human nature to want to respond and defend ourselves and this reaction because that is what it is, will become heightened when we are fighting with another person. The truth is when we are in a fight and things become heated, we will latch on to one word or phrase and from there build our defence, often without hearing what the other person is trying to say in their defence. We miss most of the content and this then escalates the argument further.

It is impossible to shake off the emotions you have when in an argument, even when you have made some progress, so learning to cool off properly though mindful meditation or going for a long walk outside is essential. It is also especially important after an argument to wrap things up on a positive note if possible and you can do this by being the bigger person. Let the other person know that you appreciate them listening to your side and you are happy you can express how you are feeling.

Conflict resolution is not always possible because we are all individuals with our own thoughts and ideals, so compromise and understanding are two critical skills we need when in any relationship with another person, be it romantic, friendship, family member or work colleagues. Learning to walk away, not needing to have the last word, is part of maturity.

Arguing in a constructive way can be healthy and can often help us to learn something new beyond our own ridged opinions if we can learn to respond instead of react, so always be open to listening before jumping in head first and making a complete fool of yourself.

Photo by: Sarah Kilian Unsplash